


Just Us

by hygge



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Crying, Dating, Established Relationship, Getting Back Together, M/M, Open Relationships, Phan Angst, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-09-26 10:18:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9888239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hygge/pseuds/hygge
Summary: Dan and Phil are in an open relationship, and Phil is tired of it.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a lazy Saturday. It had rained that morning, making the perfect atmosphere for staying inside, curling up on the sofa, and having a movie marathon. Dan and Phil were currently on their third movie, and Dan was resting against the arm of the sofa while Phil was curled into his side, their arms around each other. 

For the past couple of scenes, Phil had a hard time concentrating, knowing that soon enough Dan would have to leave to see his other boyfriend, Jason. He couldn’t help but think about what Dan and Jason might have planned for the night. Were they going out to dinner? Were they going to stroll around the city? Were they going to go back to Dan’s place? Phil pushed those thoughts to the side and held on to Dan a little tighter as he tried to pay attention to the plot of the movie. 

Before he knew it, Dan took his phone off of the end table to check the time.

“Oh shit. It’s almost five. I’ve gotta go,” Dan said hurriedly as he sprang up from the sofa to grab his coat and shoes.

Phil reluctantly stood up from the sofa and walked over to Dan as he slid his coat over his arms. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” Dan asked as he stood by the front door and zipped his coat.

Phil only nodded.

Dan tilted his head. “You alright?”

“Just tired,” Phil lied. “Have fun. I love you.” He gave Dan a less than passionate kiss on the lips before Dan opened the door, murmured a ‘love you too’ in response, and walked out into the cold.

But really, Phil wasn’t lying. He was tired. He was tired of all of this. Of what he and Dan were. At first, Phil didn’t think he would mind this ‘open relationship’ thing. He figured it would be a good way to get to know multiple people at the same time. But, that was before he knew Dan as well as he did now. That was before everything was Dan and he didn’t want to get to know anyone else. All he wanted was Dan, and for Dan to want him just as much.

Throughout the night, Phil tried to lift his spirits a little. He ordered food from one of his favorite restaurants, played one of his favorite video games, and even watched countless YouTube videos of baby animals. But, the thoughts of what Dan and Jason might have been doing at that moment kept distracting him. Frustrated, he decided to go to bed early, hoping that a good night’s sleep would clear his mind.

While Phil was laying down in bed, he began to mindlessly scroll through Instagram. There were the typical photos of sunsets, food, and selfies, but one photo in particular had caught his eye. It was a photo of Dan kissing Jason as they walked along the Thames that night. If that wasn’t enough, Phil’s eyes then flickered down to the caption which read “nothing makes me happier than when im with you #lovehim”. If hearts could actually break, Phil would have felt his cracking at that moment. 

He knew it wouldn’t end well, but Phil clicked on Dan’s profile to scroll through some of his older photos. The most recent ones featured a lot of landscapes and a lot of Jason. Phil had to scroll quite a ways back before he, himself, made an appearance in any of them. The couple of photos that were posted with him and Dan were taken a few months ago, but none of them seemed as romantic or loving as the recent ones of Dan and Jason. 

But it wasn’t just the lack of romantic social media posts that Phil was missing, it was intimacy and romance in general. Sure, they had cuddled on the couch earlier that day, but that was probably the closest they had been to one another within the last week. The slow, sensual kisses they used to share were now quick pecks on the lips. The way they used to entangle their limbs while they slept turned into them sleeping on their respective sides of the bed, rarely touching. Passionate, loving sex was now just a quick fuck. Phil didn’t want to think about how Dan might be sharing all of the things he misses with Jason, but that was all he could think about.

Phil sighed and placed his phone on his nightstand. It seemed like he had been replaced.

 

 

The next day, Phil was feeling slightly better. He knew it was silly that he got worked up over a stupid Instagram post, but it reenforced the fact that he needed to talk to Dan. If he didn’t, his insecurities would only get worse. Luckily, Dan had already planned on coming over that day. But until that time came, Phil needed to distract himself so he wouldn’t get too anxious about the impending confrontation. 

Promptly at 1pm, Phil heard Dan lightly knock on his door. 

“Hey,” Dan smiled and leaned forward to kiss Phil on the forehead.

Butterflies fluttered around Phil’s stomach at Dan’s gesture, but they were quickly replaced with a sinking feeling as he remembered the situation.

“Hi. Um, we need to talk,” Phil muttered as he wrung his hands together. Without another word, he walked away from the door and into the lounge where he took a seat on the sofa. Looking confused and a bit worried, Dan cautiously followed Phil and sat on the opposite side of the sofa.

Phil sighed before he spoke, and he wondered whether or not Dan could hear his heart thudding in his chest. He was never good with confrontation.

“I don’t know if I can continue doing this— this whole ‘open relationship’ thing,” Phil confessed, relieved that he was able to say that without breaking down.

Dan stayed quiet, so Phil continued. “Ever since you started seeing Jason, I feel like I’ve been placed more and more on the back burner.” Phil could feel the tears starting to burn his eyes as the room became one big blur. “I-it’s starting to feel like you would much rather be with him than with me. Which, that might just be jealousy, b-but this whole time I’ve only wanted to be with you and only you… just us,” he finished as a whisper. A couple of tears escaped his eyes and landed on his jeans.

“You haven’t seen anyone else this entire time?”

Phil wanted to scoff at Dan’s reply, but he shook his head as he looked down to wipe his eyes. “I’ve only wanted to be with you. You were so adamant about this open relationship thing that I went along with it because it meant that I could still be with you,” Phil said quietly as he continued to stare at the carpet. He could feel his body starting to tremble from anxiety.

“So what you’re saying is—“

“I’m done with this. It’s either me or him.” 

Phil was honestly surprised at the words that came out of his own mouth. He was hoping to discuss things a little more before he gave Dan an ultimatum. But, he figured it was probably the best way to show Dan that he was serious about this.

Dan sighed and pushed the hair off of his forehead and into an almost perfect quiff. If they weren’t having a serious conversation and if Phil wasn’t so emotionally drained and frustrated, he would have pounced on him. But Phil was brought back to reality by the sound of a clock ticking as each second passed-- one minute, and then another. The more time Dan remained silent and thought over his choices, the more tears filled Phil’s eyes again. 

“Dan?” Phil asked wearily, his bottom lip trembling as he feared his answer.

“Him,” Dan stated solemnly as he looked down at his hands. 

“W-what?” Phil stuttered.

Dan looked into Phil’s eyes, and Phil could see that they were tear-filled. “I said ‘him’.”

“Seriously? After all of this?” Phil choked almost inaudibly. Even though he had convinced himself last night that Dan preferred Jason over him, he thought Dan would automatically choose him. After all, they had been together for over a year. He was wrong.

“Jason and I, we just have this connection—“ Dan started.

“And we don’t?”

“Phil, I—“ Phil shook his head to signal that Dan should stop talking. 

He put his head in his hands to let a few tears fall. He couldn’t care less than Dan was awkwardly sitting four feet away from him on the other side of the sofa. He could hear Dan slowly get up from the sofa and approach him. He tried to place a hand on Phil’s shoulder, but Phil shrugged it off.

“Don’t touch me,” he growled.

“It’s not—“

“Just get out!” 

He heard Dan back away slowly until he was out of the lounge and ultimately closed the front door behind him.

Phil didn’t hold back the tears at that point. He laid down on the sofa and sobbed. He didn’t even know it was possible to cry that hard. Going into this, he thought the conversation would end with Dan apologizing and them making up like a soppy love story. Except, it had the exact opposite effect— Dan was gone, and it was all his fault.


	2. Chapter 2

To put it simply, Phil was a wreck. 

It had been a week and he had barely left the house. The past seven days had all been the same: stay in bed until lunch time, trudge to the kitchen to get some sustenance, trudge over to the sofa and turn on a show that he didn’t bother paying attention to, replay that fateful afternoon in his head, cry a little, take a nap, eat dinner, shuffle back over to the sofa, and stay there until he was tired enough to go to bed. If it weren’t for the constant dull ache throughout his body and the gray cloud over his head, he would have laughed at how pathetic he was being.

His family and friends, those who did know about the situation, were concerned. They constantly sent texts to Phil to make sure he was hanging in there and would even try to cheer him up a little bit. They all knew that Phil was never one to dwell on things like this. But, he couldn’t help it. When someone you love with your entire being says that you’re not their first choice after being together for so long, it hurts. It hurts a lot. 

 

 

It had been three weeks and Phil was finally starting to feel okay. Not great, but okay. He still thought about Dan quite a bit, but doing so no longer brought tears to his eyes. He no longer spent all day in bed, he went outside more often, and he even had plans tonight with four of his friends from college. 

Seeing his friends was actually one of the only things that he had been looking forward to recently. He hadn’t seen them in almost a year, but whenever they all got together they always had a great time and he was sure tonight wouldn’t be any different. 

It was currently half past five, and Phil hadn’t gotten ready yet. He was supposed to meet his friends for dinner in thirty minutes. He wasn’t sure where the day had gone, but quickly rushed to his room to change into black skinny jeans, a long sleeved red plaid shirt, and black high top sneakers. As a last minute decision, Phil took out his contacts and put on his glasses. He took one last look at himself in the mirror, before grabbing his wallet, phone, and house keys and walking out the door.

Phil arrived at the restaurant exactly thirty minutes later and found his friends already sitting at a table towards the back of the large room. He walked over to them, careful not to run into any servers with trays of food. Luckily, he was able to make it to the table without incident.

“So how are you and Dan?” Rachel asked Phil kindly after everyone had placed their order.

“We broke up a couple of weeks ago.” Phil bit his lip and then brought his attention to the basket of bread that was sitting before him on the table. 

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” her smiled faded into one of sadness.

“What happened?” Nate asked, his head tilted in interest. 

“I, uh, I’d rather not talk about it,” Phil mumbled.

While Phil’s friends knew that he and Dan were together for a while, none of them knew about the open relationship aspect. And now really wasn’t the time when Phil wanted to get into all of the nuances of their relationship.

“Fair enough,” Nate nodded.

“Do we need to go beat him up?” Ryan joked.

Phil smiled at that thought. Not at the thought of Dan being beaten up, but the thought of Ryan trying to fight anyone. He was on the smaller side, and quite the pacifist.

He shook his head. “No one needs to beat him up.”

“Do we need to beat you up?” Ryan asked with a raised brow.

“No. There will be no beating up of any kind,” Phil laughed.

Thankfully, no one brought up the topic again throughout dinner. The meal itself was fantastic and Phil definitely ate too much. But, there were a lot of laughs about stories from school, stories about their personal lives, and even Rachel recounting her trip into London earlier that day when an older woman insisted that she was her daughter. 

 

 

As dinner was finishing up, Phil had invited his friends over to his place for movies and games. On the way back to Phil’s place, Nate stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, causing the others to stop as well. 

“I’ve heard about this place! Can we go in?” Nate asked excitedly, pointing across the street to an entrance of a club. It looked like an old warehouse and had a neon sign above the door.

“I don’t know guys. I don’t know if I’m really feeling up to it,” Phil sighed. 

“C’mon Phil,” Josh egged. It wasn’t really a secret that Phil wasn’t much of a club guy.

“Yeah, we haven’t been able to do something like this in ages. And it might be good for you to have a couple of drinks and let go a bit,” Rachel coaxed. 

Phil wasn’t really one to say no, so he sighed and agreed while following his friends into the building.

Once they paid the small cover charge, they walked into the main area of the club where hundreds of people were gathered. They were all dancing to the beat under the flashing lights, allowing the music to run through them. To Phil’s surprise, the majority of people inside were around the same age he was. He thought for sure that this place would be filled with barely legal university students.

“There’s supposedly two more floors with a rooftop bar,” Nate yelled over the music to explain as he lead the way to the stairs. 

The rest of them followed Nate and after two flights of stairs and seeing two lounge areas, they made it to the roof. Phil had to admit, it was pretty cool. There was a bar on one end of the roof, and then lounge seating and fire pits scattered around elsewhere.

The five of them secured a spot on a couple of sofas and spent the next hour or so chatting some more and having a few drinks, before his friends wanted to go back downstairs to dance. Phil declined, even though Rachel begged him to join. He could only take so much of this type of environment at one time, and it would probably take him a few more drinks before he would even willingly dance in public.

Now that his friends had gone back downstairs, Phil got up from the sofa and walked over to the bar. Luckily, there was an open seat, so he sat down and looked over the drink menu. He needed something other than rum and coke, which is what he had been drinking for the last hour. He found one that had coconut rum, pineapple, and blue curaçao and decided to order it.

Phil waited a couple of minutes while the bartender made his drink and he decided to pass the time by scrolling through Instagram on his phone. A social one, he was.

The bartender soon returned with his drink. It was probably the brightest drink Phil had ever seen and it tasted just as good as it looked. 

“I’ll have whatever he’s having,” Phil heard from next to him. He turned his head slightly and saw a guy who looked to be the same age sat next to him. Had he been sitting here when Phil sat down? Or did he just sit down? Phil couldn’t remember. Regardless, Phil had to admit that the guy was quite attractive: dirty blonde tousled hair, slim face, and eyes that were so light that they almost looked gray.

“Hope its alright that I stole your drink choice,” the guy smiled once he noticed Phil was looking at him.

“That’s fine. It’s quite good. Ten out of ten. Would recommend,” Phil smiled in return before taking another sip of his drink.

“I’m Matt.”

“Phil.”

Matt didn’t say anything after that. Phil silently berated himself for being such a conversationalist. 

A couple of minutes of awkward silence passed before the bartender returned with Matt’s drink.

“Did your friends drag you here?” the blond asked as he stirred his drink before taking a sip.

“Is it that obvious?” Phil laughed.

They spent the better part of an hour talking about anything and everything. They talked about what each of them did for a living (Matt is an editor), they talked about traveling (Matt really wants to go to Australia), and they even had a discussion about aliens (Matt thinks they totally exist and wouldn’t be surprised if they have been visiting us for centuries). 

While Phil and Matt were in the middle of a conversation about how terrifying the ocean is, Phil’s friends came back upstairs and walked over to them.

Rachel stood beside Phil and put her hand on his back. “Hey, we need to catch trains back home and its getting pretty late. I think we’re gonna head out.”

“Oh okay. It was great to see you all tonight! Hopefully another year won’t go by before we plan something again."

“Hopefully not. Have fun,” Rachel winked as she and the rest of the group headed back downstairs to catch their trains.

Phil rolled his eyes as he turned around slightly to wave goodbye to the four of them.

Once they were out of sight, Phil turned back around to face Matt who was rubbing his hands together in an attempt to warm them up.

“It’s getting a little cold out here. Did you want to go inside?” Matt asked, as he lightly placed his hand on Phil’s knee.

Phil nodded. It was getting a little chilly and he could use a change of scenery. 

They both paid for their tabs and started their way downstairs.

“Did you want to dance?” Matt asked as they approached the first of the lounge areas. Phil could already hear the bass of the music that was playing downstairs.

Phil quickly contemplated what he wanted to do. He didn’t want to have anything to do with dancing earlier, but with Matt with him and a few drinks in his system, he made up his mind. “Sure,” he answered with a smile. 

Matt smiled in return and they headed down the last flight of stairs before they were met with the large crowd of people. They maneuvered their way towards the center of the room, everyone moving to their own pace around them.

Phil could feel the bass move through his body as he and Matt lost themselves to the music. 

Phil wasn’t one for hooking up with people, but there was something about this that felt so right. Maybe it was the slight buzz from the alcohol, or the feeling of Matt’s hands on his body, or the way Matt’s hips ground into his own to the beat of the music, or the contagious energy of everyone around him. Whatever it was, and maybe it was all four of those things combined, he didn’t want it to end. 

“Wanna go back to my place?” Phil whispered huskily into Matt’s ear after they had danced for a while.

Phil could feel Matt’s lips curl into a smirk as he leaned in to reply. “Lead the way,” he breathed, his breath tickling Phil’s neck and sending a shiver down his spine. 

Phil grabbed Matt’s hand and lead him through the sea of people until they got outside. It had gotten colder since they were outside at the rooftop bar, but luckily Phil’s place wasn’t far.

 

 

Once they had reached Phil's apartment and the door was shut behind them, Matt slung his arms around Phil’s neck and Phil pressed him against the wall. Kisses were sloppy, moans were loud, and hands were threading through hair, sliding up chests, and grabbing asses. Their clothes were quickly discarded on the floor around the apartment while Phil led Matt to his bedroom. Shirts and shoes thrown by the door, jeans near the living room, socks in the hallway, and underwear in Phil’s room. 

Time seemed to move quickly and slowly all at once as they moved to the bed. Hands were everywhere, mouths were everywhere— it seemed like neither of them could get enough. Quickly, but also not soon enough, Phil began pumping in and out of Matt. Moans filled the room and Phil was in a state of pure bliss.

“God, Dan,” Phil groaned as he thrusted again and again. His eyes immediately shot open when he realized what he had said. He was thankful that the room was dark, or the reddening of his face would have been extremely evident.

Luckily, it seemed like Matt was too caught up in the pleasure to notice.

“Fuck, I’m close,” Matt moaned as he scratched down Phil’s back. 

Phil grabbed Matt’s left leg and hooked it over his shoulder as he pounded into him, helping Matt chase his release. This earned him a sharp gasp as well as multiple high pitched moans before Matt came on his own chest. Once Phil felt Matt clenching around him, Phil’s orgasm ripped through his own body. 

“Holy shit,” Matt whispered, trying to steady his breathing once Phil pulled out. 

“That was incredible,” Phil breathed, pushing his hair up so it was off of his face.

They both laid there for a while staring at the ceiling in silence. Matt let out a small yawn and Phil spread his arm out between the two of them allowing Matt to curl up next to him if he wanted. He obliged and laid on his side while resting his head on Phil’s shoulder.

“Who’s Dan?” asked Matt once he was comfortable.

“Dan?” Phil asked, feigning innocence.

“Yeah. You said his name earlier."

"I said ‘damn’,” Phil quickly improvised. He hoped that Matt didn’t notice the fact that his heart rate dramatically increased at that question. Matt must have believed him as he nodded and the subject was dropped.

They laid there for a little while longer until Matt’s breathing shallowed and Phil’s eyes began to flutter closed.

 

 

Phil woke up to an empty bed. He shouldn’t have been surprised that Matt was already gone, but he was. Phil had hoped that he would have woken up to tangled limbs and soft ‘good morning’s. But, he shouldn’t have really expected anything; it was just a one night stand, after all. Matt probably couldn’t have gotten out of Phil’s apartment fast enough.

Phil stretched and reached over to grab his glasses off of his nightstand. As he reached for them, his hand brushed over a piece of paper. He turned onto his side and saw a note that was written on the back of a receipt in messy scrawl. He put on his glasses and picked up the paper to read it.

 _Forgot that I had plans this morning_  
_Text me xx_  
_020 4915 6934_  
_-Matt_

Phil smiled to himself. So maybe Matt did want to see him again.


	3. Chapter 3

The area of Leicester Square was unusually popular for this time of the night. There were many couples and families strolling in the square, enjoying the warm summer evening. It was peaceful, until Phil and Matt walked out of the movie theater laughing hysterically.

“I can’t believe that happened!” Phil chuckled. He had one hand over his stomach and his tongue was sticking out of the side of his mouth as he laughed.

“You’re a walking hazard!” Matt laughed, in the same state as Phil.

“I don’t know if I can show my face in that theater ever again!”

“Security probably saw it happen and are laughing as much as we are right now!”

Phil had to stop walking and leaned against a building so he could catch his breath.

“Oh my god,” he breathed. “That was probably the funniest thing that has ever happened to me."

Once Phil was back to breathing normally, he and Matt continued their walk. There wasn't a particular destination in mind, he was just enjoying walking around the city. He had lived in London for a couple of years already, but he didn’t think he would ever get over the architecture of the buildings as well as the hidden areas that he sometimes stumbled across.

“You up for milkshakes?” Matt asked as they approached an ice cream shop.

“I’m always up for milkshakes,” Phil smiled in return before they walked inside.

It was busy inside the shop, being that it was a Friday night in the summer. Phil and Matt walked to the back of the line and chatted until it was their turn to order. Phil ordered a salted caramel shake, while Matt ordered mint chocolate chip. Once their orders were ready, they rushed to grab the last remaining cafe table before someone else sat there.

“So what are your plans for the weekend?” Matt asked once they sat down at the table.

“PJ invited me over to his place tomorrow. You’re welcome to join."

Matt thought about it for a second. “I think I’ll pass. I’ve been craving a super lazy day.”

“Oooo. A lazy day sounds nice.”

“Yeah. I think some Netflix marathons are in order,” Matt said before taking a sip of his milkshake.

Phil laughed to himself a few seconds later as he remembered what happened at the movie theater. When the movie had ended and everyone was walking out to the lobby, Phil had gotten distracted while talking with Matt and ended up walking straight into a display that was advertising an upcoming movie. Not only did he walk straight into it, he managed to make the entire thing fall over, while simultaneously falling on top of it. A few employees had rushed over once they heard the noise, asking if Phil was okay and offering to help him up, all the while Phil and Matt tried to hide their laughter. 

“You alright?” Matt asked with an eyebrow raised as he watched Phil laugh to himself.

“Sorry, I keep thinking about falling into that display,” Phil giggled.

“You’re a mess,” Matt laughed.

The rest of the night went by fairly quickly once they left the ice cream shop. They continued to walk around for a bit, before Phil walked Matt back to his place. 

“I’ll see you later. Good night,” Phil said before he kissed Matt.

“Night.”

Phil began to walk away until he heard Matt call out from his front step.

“Have fun at PJ’s!”

Phil stopped walking and turned around. “Thanks! Have fun with Netflix!”

“Oh, I will!” Matt replied before walking into his apartment.

Phil didn’t live far from Matt, but he decided to take the long way home to get the most out of the enjoyable summer night. Until today, he had forgotten about how much he liked aimlessly walking around the city. Although it was busy at any time of the day, there was something about the evening that was peaceful. It was the type of peace that stayed with him all the way up to when he finally fell asleep that night.

 

 

The next morning, Phil woke up early, to his weekend standards at least, so he could catch a train to Brighton. He was excited to see PJ, although he was a little bummed that Matt didn’t want to join, and he began to wonder who else was going to be at PJ’s place. PJ had mentioned other people were going to be there, but hadn’t specified who. Phil hoped that Felix and Marzia were going to be there; he hadn’t seen them in a while. 

The train ride was particularly uneventful, which Phil was thankful for. There were no crazy people that sat next to him and he didn’t fall into anything— a total success in his mind.

When Phil reached PJ’s place only a few minutes after leaving the train station, he knocked on the door once, twice, and then three times. Right after the third knock, PJ opened the door.

“Hey Phil! Glad you could make it,” he smiled as he stepped to the side to allow Phil to enter his apartment. 

Phil took off his shoes next to the front door before walking towards the lounge. But before he walked in the room, he could see someone sitting on the sofa, facing away from Phil and looking towards a window. It was someone he definitely wasn’t expecting to see. Dan.

Phil quickly turned around and grabbed PJ’s arm while dragging him to the privacy of the kitchen.

“What is he doing here?” Phil inquired harshly.

“He wants to talk to you,” PJ replied. 

Phil was promised board games and pizza, not to be tricked into a discussion with his ex. 

“No no no no no. PJ, this is a bad idea. I’m not doing this,” Phil shook his head and then took a step forward to leave the kitchen when PJ placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Phil. Trust me. He just wants to talk.”

“He’s had three months. Why does he want to do this now?”

“I can’t answer that. Just humor me and go in there and talk to him?” PJ asked, almost desperately.

“Fine,” Phil huffed and he turned and walked into the lounge.

Dan was still sitting where he was a few minutes ago. Phil decided to sit on the other sofa that was perpendicular to the one Dan was sitting on. Once Phil was seated, Dan looked over at him, but Phil couldn’t quite read the expression that was on his face.

“Hi,” Phil said quietly.

Dan gave him a short, tight lipped smile in return. “Hey.”

“PJ said that you wanted to talk?” asked Phil cautiously. 

“Um. Yeah. I wanted to say I’m sorry,” Dan started. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t the perfect boyfriend... I’m sorry that I chose him over you... I’m sorry that I made PJ bring you over here so we could talk. I just— I’ve done a lot of thinking and I made a mistake, okay? I miss you so much. God, do I miss you. And I would like to try again— just me and you this time."

If he and Dan had this conversation two months ago, he would have immediately accepted Dan’s apologies and taken him back. But now that he was with Matt, he wasn’t so sure anymore. 

“Dan,” Phil sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I’m seeing someone.” 

But those words left a bad taste in Phil’s mouth as he looked up and saw Dan’s face drop into a state of melancholy. A small part of him wanted to get up and hug Dan. He hated to see him sad. But, a hug from Phil was probably not what Dan needed right now.

“Oh,” Dan paused, as if he was trying to process what Phil had just said. "I guess I shouldn’t have assumed that you were single. Sorry. I’ll, uh, just go then. I’ll stop wasting your time,” he mumbled as he stood up from the sofa and walked towards the front door. "I’ll see you later PJ,” he called out before leaving PJ’s apartment.

Once Dan left, PJ walked into the room.

“That was quick,” PJ observed as he leaned against the doorframe of the room.

“Did you not tell him that I had a boyfriend?” Phil tried not to sound too annoyed, even though he was, but unfortunately that’s how it came out of his mouth.

PJ shook his head. “No. I didn’t think it was my place to tell him."

“I don’t know what to do,” Phil groaned as he laid his head back on the top of the sofa and looked up at the ceiling. Did he want to leave Matt and get back together with Dan? There were too many thoughts swirling around his head at one time. He couldn’t think straight.

“I’m assuming you don’t want to play any games,” PJ said sheepishly while sitting on the sofa next to Phil.

“It feels like I’m already playing a game,” Phil closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. He could feel a headache coming on. "I’m gonna go for a walk. I need some time to think,” he announced while standing up. 

PJ didn’t say anything in return as Phil left the apartment like Dan had only a few minutes beforehand. Once Phil was outside, he didn’t really know where to go as he wasn’t too familiar with Brighton. He decided to make a right and walk downhill, assuming that would lead him towards the water. HIs assumption was correct and after a few more turns, he could see the beach. It probably wasn’t the best place for Phil to go in the summer, as he knew that once he left the protective shade of the buildings, he would instantly be sunburned. But, it was the least concern on his mind at the moment. He would deal with that later. 

There were many groups of people on the beach with towels spread out around them. There were children running along and splashing in the water. There were adults who were sunbathing or reading. Then there was Phil who looked slightly out of place in shorts and a t-shirt while sitting on the bare ground watching the world go by.

As Phil was calmed by the lull of the waves and the people chatting around him, he thought about how ironic this whole situation was. At first, he was the one who made Dan chose between him and Jason. Now here he was trying to choose between Dan and Matt. Life was cruel sometimes.

But, was he happier with Matt than when he was with Dan? It was hard to tell since the last month or so that he was with Dan, Phil was worried about Jason impacting their relationship. While he had a lot of fun when he was with Matt, he didn’t really have any romantic feelings towards him like he did with Dan. Sure, Matt was attractive as hell and they always had great conversations, but Phil didn’t get butterflies around him or have the urge to cuddle up next to him. 

Dan mentioned that it would just be him and Phil this time. Would Dan stick to that? He had already left Phil once— what would stop him from leaving again once he found someone better? If he did leave again, that would make Phil feel even worse than the first time around. Would it be worth it to get back together with him, even though there was a chance they could break up again? Although, Dan did sound sincere earlier, and Phil wouldn’t be opposed to having Dan back in his life, but he also didn’t want to hurt Matt.

After sitting on the beach for almost an hour, he had made his decision.


	4. Chapter 4

Phil took his time as he walked back to PJ’s. 

He walked at such a slow pace that he knew it would annoy him if it was someone else. Others continually passed by him as he kept his head down low and avoided tripping over the uneven pavement. He tried reasoning with himself that he was walking slow because it was a nice day outside. When in reality, he was dreading any sort of conversation he and PJ would have about this when he returned.

Earlier that morning, he was excited to catch up with PJ. Phil enjoyed listening to his stories and was generally interested in things that were happening in his life. Now, after being completely blindsided, he wanted nothing more than to head straight to the train station and head back home. But, he wasn’t going to do that. He couldn’t do that. As much as he wanted to be mad at PJ, he knew he had good intentions and knew he would be a little disappointed if Phil left so soon after traveling all this way. And, who knows, maybe hanging out with PJ would actually take Phil’s mind off of things.

Phil didn’t bother knocking on PJ’s door when he returned. Instead, he walked into the apartment and back into the lounge where he was just over an hour ago. PJ was sitting on the sofa facing the TV with a controller in his hand. Phil didn’t recognize the game that was on the screen. 

“Oh. You’re back!” PJ exclaimed in a surprise fashion once Phil sat on the other sofa. His friend paused the game and placed his controller next to him.

“Yup. I’m back.” Phil attempted to give a wholehearted smile, but it was only a halfhearted one.

“Did you have a nice walk?”

Phil shrugged. “I guess. Went down to the beach and sat there for a while.” PJ gave him a look that urged Phil to continue to talk about the conclusion he came to. He sighed and looked at the ground before speaking. “I think I’m gonna break up with Matt,” he said quietly.

“Yeah? Are you gonna get back together with Dan?” PJ sounded interested, excited even, at that prospect, which Phil understood. He had confided in PJ quite a bit after the breakup, and it wouldn’t surprise him if Dan did the same. 

“Hopefully. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until I saw him. I thought about our relationship compared to my relationship with Matt, and its not the same. There’s a lot of things that I had with Dan that I don’t with Matt."

PJ nodded in understanding. Phil was prepared to explain himself more, but was interrupted when he felt his phone vibrate. He leaned to the side slightly to shimmy his phone out of his pocket. Once it was in his hand, he quickly entered his passcode and was greeted by a text from Matt.

_How’s Brighton?_

Phil let out a small laugh to himself. If only he could he reply that he was having a crisis and was contemplating breaking up with him. He wasn’t going to do so through text, though; he wanted to do so in person. So for now, he had to make it seem like everything was fine and dandy. 

_Its good! Spent some time down by the water and now I bet I look like a tomato. How’s your lazy day going?_

Not even a minute passed before Phil received a response. 

_But I bet you’re a cute tomato :P and my day is going well. pretty much have spent most of the day in bed. no regrets haha_

Suddenly, Phil felt incredibly guilty. Matt didn’t deserve to be broken up with. He was a good guy. But, Phil had to think about himself as well. If he wasn’t as happy as he thought he could be, and thought he could be happier with someone else, then things needed to change. But, he hated being the one to end a relationship; he never wanted to hurt anyone.

“You alright?” PJ asked, tilting his head as Phil stared at his phone.

Phil’s head snapped up as he heard PJ’s voice. He hadn’t realized that he zoned out. He looked at his screen again, and typed out a quick reply.

_Sounds like a good day to me :)_

He then placed his phone on the coffee table in front of him before turning towards PJ.

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine. Matt just texted me."

PJ nodded and patted the spot on the sofa next to him. “Why don’t you sit over here and we play some Mario Kart?”

Phil smiled at that as he stood up from where he was sitting and walked over to sit next to PJ. He handed Phil a controller while he got up, himself, in order to insert the disc into the console. 

Phil loved Mario Kart. Whether it was racing against friends or other people around the world, he loved the random items that could make or break a race. It was all so unpredictable. Even so, Phil normally would place in the top three. But today, Phil’s mind wasn’t there. He was constantly being bombarded with items and wasn’t making the best use of the items that he got. With everything going on, he wasn’t surprised when he continually came in last place race after race. And of course, PJ noticed that Phil wasn’t being his usual competitive self. 

After about five courses, PJ placed his controller next to him on the sofa and turned toward Phil. “You’re not into this, are you?” he asked. 

Phil shook his head, looking down at his lap. “Not really, no. I’m trying to get my mind off of things, but it isn’t working.”

PJ sighed and bit his lip. “I’m sorry that I kinda forced you into this situation. This was probably the opposite of what you were expecting today.”

Phil shrugged. “It’s alright.”

They both sat there for a minute or so just looking and their controllers. 

“I’m not kicking you out, but if you’d rather go home, you may. I won’t be offended.”

“Are you sure?” Phil asked timidly. He didn’t want to seem as excited as he was. Even though he enjoyed PJ’s company, the prospect of going back to his own place seemed very appealing right now.

“Of course. I’m not holding you hostage,” PJ laughed. "I just wanted to help cheer you up a little, since this is partially my fault.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Phil gave PJ a small, but genuine, smile. Then, Phil placed his controller to the side and scooted to the edge of the sofa, preparing to get up. "I think I will head off though. I know I’m not the best company right now."

“Alright. That’s fine.”

PJ walked Phil to the door before pulling him into a hug.

“Good luck,” PJ wished quietly as he let go.

Phil gave PJ the same small, genuine smile. “Thanks. I may need it."

 

 

While Phil sat on the train on his way back to London, he thought of his plan for breaking up with Matt. He would go home today and relax the best he could, and then get up tomorrow morning and go over to Matt’s. No. He had to do this now. If he waited, he would overthink the entire situation and back out of it. He was going to go straight to Matt’s once he got off of the train and break up with him.

But, even as he walked to Matt’s place, Phil was second guessing himself. Was he sure that he would be happier with Dan? This was what he wanted, right? 

Before he could think everything through, Phil was stood at Matt’s front door. He took a deep breath before knocking and he could hear some rustling inside of the apartment before the door began to open. But, it wasn’t Matt that opened the door. Standing in front of Phil was a girl who looked to be in her early to mid twenties. She was wearing what Phil recognized as one of Matt’s t-shirts which came to the middle of her thigh. Phil just stared at her, unsure of what to say, despite imagining multiple scenarios of how breaking up with Matt would go. This wasn’t part of what he anticipated.

“Who is it, baby?” Phil heard Matt’s voice from down the hallway. Only a few seconds later he appeared wearing only a pair of sweatpants and his hair was disheveled. Phil tried to avert his attention from the fairly obvious erection that Matt was sporting; it was pretty apparent what Phil had interrupted. “I thought you were in Brighton today,” he panicked, while he stared at Phil with wide eyes. 

Phil crossed his arms. “I was. Came back early,” he stated matter-of-factly. 

“Who is this?” the girl asked, looking towards Matt for an explanation. 

“I was his boyfriend,” Phil answered for him.

The girl stared at both of them, dumbfounded.

“I’ll just be a couple of minutes, okay?” Matt said to her before she nodded slowly and walked back inside leaving Phil and Matt by the door. “Was?” Matt asked once she was out of earshot, his eyebrows knitting in confusion.

“Did you really think I was going to let this slide? I came here to break up with you anyway since I didn’t think things were working out, and clearly--” Phil motioned towards Matt and then inside where the girl was. “--we were on the same page. So, you made all of this really easy."

“I’m sorry that you found out like this. That wasn’t my intention at all. I didn’t want to hurt you," Matt said quietly, looking down at the ground like a scolded puppy.

“So you thought you would just hide it from me instead, and that wouldn’t hurt?”

Matt scoffed, and Phil watched as his demeanor changed from guilty to defensive. “Like you haven’t been seeing that Dan guy.”

“Excuse me?" 

“Don’t act like I’m the only one at fault here, Phil. It’s pretty evident to me that you’re seeing him."

Other than that one time Dan’s name slipped, what kind of reasoning could Matt possibly have to support that?

“The last time I saw ‘that Dan guy’ was almost four months ago," Phil explained.

There was no way Phil was going to admit that he had seen Dan only a couple of hours earlier. Matt didn’t need to know that. And it wasn’t like anything had happened between Phil and Dan. Phil had said less than five words to him. It was minuscule compared to what Phil had interrupted between Matt and whoever that girl was. 

“How do I know he wasn’t at PJ’s?” Matt pried as he crossed his arms and glared at Phil. 

Phil rolled his eyes. 

“If I was going to see him today, why would I have asked if you wanted to join?"

Matt didn’t seem to have an answer to that. 

“Are you trying to deflect all of this onto me so that what you did doesn’t seem so bad?” Phil asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“No, I’m trying to say that I'm not the only person in the wrong, here."

Phil took a deep breath, trying to alleviate the urge to start yelling at Matt. “Look, it’s obvious that neither of us want this. There’s no sense in fighting about this. So, let’s just stop the conversation here and go our separate ways."

Matt looked completely indifferent to the situation. “Fine by me.” 

“Alright. Bye then.” Phil turned away from Matt and heard the front door close behind him. 

This time, Phil didn’t take the long way home.

 

 

Once Phil got back to his apartment, he slammed his front door shut. He was sure his neighbors were cursing at him, but he didn’t care. He walked straight into his room and flopped onto his bed, not even bothering to take his shoes off. 

Phil wasn’t sad. He wasn’t dejected. He was angry. He was pissed. Sure, Dan was with another person while they were together. But, at least Phil was aware of it. At least he and Dan discussed it beforehand. And at least Dan was a decent enough human being where he was open about his other relationship. This was different. This was Matt deliberately going behind his back and hiding another relationship. And who knows how long this had gone on for. Was Matt with that girl for a couple of weeks? Months? Even before Phil and Matt were together? Phil didn’t want to think about it too much. But, now he was sure he made the right decision. 

While laying on his bed, Phil grabbed the pillow closest to him and screamed into it. It usually took quite a lot to get him angry like this, and luckily screaming into the pillow helped relieve a lot of his frustration. But, it didn’t help the fact that his mind was still reeling from the day’s events.

After a few minutes of laying down, Phil got up from his bed and began pacing. Now that Matt was out of the equation, all that was left was to talk to Dan again. But what was he going to say to Dan when he went over to see him? That he decided he actually wanted to be with him and broke up with his boyfriend to do so? And how would Dan even react? Would he even give Phil the time of day since he shut down their conversation extremely quickly earlier in the day?

Phil glanced at his clock and realized an hour had already passed since he had gotten home. He wasn’t going to pace around his apartment all night. He needed to talk to someone. Grabbing his phone from the other side of his bed, Phil scrolled through his contacts. He could call his mother for some parental wisdom; but as much as he loved his mother, he didn’t want a lecture about how you shouldn’t hook up with people at clubs. He could call PJ, but he didn’t think he wanted to be involved in this situation any more than he already was. Rachel. He could call her. She always knew what to say. 

Phil touched the phone icon on her contact information and pressed his phone up to his ear once it began ringing. He sat down against the headboard of his bed and waited for her to pick up.

“Hey Phil!” Rachel answered enthusiastically after the third ring. Phil already felt bad about ruining her happiness due to the sob story he was about to tell.

“Hey. Is now a bad time?”

“Not at all! Is everything alright?”

“Um. Not really,” he muttered as he picked at a loose thread on his duvet.

“What’s wrong?” she inquired sincerely. 

Phil told her everything. From his first discussion with Dan about an open relationship, to his paranoia, to them breaking up, to what happened that night after she left the club, to seeing Dan at PJ’s, and to breaking up with Matt just a couple of hours prior. Rachel listened to the whole thing, commenting and agreeing with Phil when appropriate.

“I just want to be enough for someone,” Phil’s voice cracked, and he felt a few hot tears run down his cheeks. 

“Oh, Phil,” Rachel cooed. “You are enough. It’s just that sometimes people don’t realize it and it sounds like Dan figured that out.”

“I hope so. I don’t know what I’d do if this didn’t end up working out.” Just the thought of Dan either breaking things off or reintroducing an open relationship again made a lump form in his throat as more tears fell.

“You don’t have to think about that right now. That’s all hypothetical, and you don’t know if that’ll even happen. For now, what the two of you want is to try again, which is a step in the right direction.”

“Yeah,” Phil paused, wiping the tears off of his cheeks. "Sorry to unload everything, I just needed someone to talk to.”

“No need to apologize. You know I’m always here for you, just like you’re always there for me.”

“You’re the best,” Phil stated before yawning. The day really took a lot out of him.

“I know,” Rachel laughed, and Phil laughed along with her. “Let me know how it goes, okay?”

“I will. Thanks Rach.”

“Of course. Now go get some sleep."

Once Phil hung up, he stared at his ceiling for a while. He was extremely anxious about talking to Dan tomorrow. There were hundreds of possibilities for how their conversation could go. But, he needed to remain optimistic. As of this afternoon, Dan wanted to get back together, and Phil was holding on to that prospect as tight as he could.


	5. Chapter 5

Sleep did not come easy to Phil. He tossed and turned all night while thoughts of Dan rejecting him plagued his mind, and anxiety toiled in his stomach. He continually checked the time, calculating how much longer it would be until his phone alarm finally went off. 10:47. 11:23. 12:52. 1:07. 2:17. But finally around three in the morning, he was able to silence his thoughts and fall asleep.

Phil's alarm went off too early in his opinion, and he cursed himself as he tried to turn it off to stop the incessant beeping. Once he was able to silence his phone, he rolled onto his back, stretched, and rubbed his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up a little more. 

Like he decided when going to see Matt, Phil didn’t want to push off seeing Dan any longer than he had to. He needed to see him as soon as possible in order to calm his nerves and stop him from overthinking. So, he got out of bed, threw on a random t-shirt and jeans, and slipped on some shoes before quickly taming his hair. 

Within twenty minutes, he found himself walking out the door without giving a single thought to breakfast. He was too nervous anyway. There was no way he would be able to stomach his usual sugary cereal in this state.

It had been a while since he had walked to Dan’s apartment. In the past, he would have taken the tube since it’s a couple of stops away. But, the walk was beneficial to him as it made use of all of his nervous energy. The fact that he was far more nervous about talking to Dan than he was about talking to Matt said volumes about the multitude of the situation. He tried to avoid thinking about what he would do if Dan changed his mind and no longer wanted to get back together. He had to remain positive.

Once Phil arrived at Dan’s place, he pressed the door bell. It rang throughout the building and he tried to listen for footsteps approaching the door that would confirm Dan was home. After about a minute of not hearing any movement inside, he pressed the door bell again. Nothing. A wave of disappointment came over Phil as he realized that Dan wasn’t going to answer. To be fair, it was early; it was just before 10:30, and it was quite possible that Dan was still asleep. But, there was a nagging voice in the back of his mind that told him maybe Dan was fully aware that Phil was outside, and he just didn’t want to talk to him.

Sitting down on the top step, Phil rested his arms on his knees and thought about what to do. He could go somewhere and have breakfast, or he could go back home and catch up on sleep, or, if he was feeling really desperate, he could sit on the step like a lost puppy and watch the cars and people pass by until Dan opened the door. Phil pondered his choices of what to do with his day until he heard the door slowly open behind him. 

“Phil?” he heard from behind him. Turning around, he saw Dan looking at him with a perplexed look on his face. 

“Oh! You’re home.”

Phil stood up from the top step and turned to face Dan. He was wearing a plain gray t-shirt and black sweatpants. His hair was in its natural curly state and a few droplets of water were dripping onto his t shirt. How could someone look hot and adorable at the same time while wearing pajamas?

“Yeah. Sorry. I just got out of the shower.” Dan awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck as the two of them stood silently by the door. "Did you want to come inside?” he asked apprehensively. 

Phil bit his lip. “If that’s alright.”

Dan stepped back inside his apartment and waited for Phil to follow. As Phil walked inside, he wasn’t sure where to go. He and Dan stood awkwardly in the hallway before Dan remembered something.

“Oh! I forgot that I had made coffee before I got in the shower. Did you want a coffee or anything?” Dan inquired politely as he walked into the kitchen.

Phil followed and watched Dan as he poured himself a cup.

“A coffee would be great, actually. I haven’t had any today.”

Phil leaned against the counter as Dan made a coffee for him as well. Once he was finished, he handed a mug to Phil, and Phil took a sip, relishing in his first taste of coffee for the day. It made him a little happier than it should have to know that Dan remembered just how he liked his coffee— one cream and two sugars. After all, it had only been a few months. It wasn’t like it had been years, even though it might have felt that way to Phil.

Dan stood next to him and took a few sips of his coffee as well before placing his mug on the counter. Phil looked over at Dan, but kept his own mug in his hands. It gave him something to do with this hands; otherwise, he would be wringing them together in nervousness. Similarly to how Dan was moving his sock covered foot around the tile floor in small strokes.

He thought it was a little odd that Dan hadn’t yet asked why he was there. But, it was possible that Dan knew exactly why he was there, and he wanted Phil to start the conversation. Actually, Phil was sure Dan knew. He definitely wasn’t there to just stand in his kitchen and have coffee in silence.

Dan had stopped moving his feet, and looked slightly towards Phil.

“Did you get sunburn from walking to PJ’s yesterday?” he asked with an amused expression on his face. Phil noticed that he started to bring a hand up towards Phil’s face but caught himself. With a slight blush on his cheeks, Dan met Phil’s eyes for a quick second and then cast his gaze towards the floor.

“Kind of. After you left, I went down to the beach for a little while to think things over,” Phil started, relieved and now quite nervous that the conversation had begun. Dan looked back up at Phil and gave him an expectant stare that told him to continue. “I guess I should start off by saying that I broke up with my boyfriend.” 

“Yeah?” Phil could see that Dan was trying to stifle a smile. 

“Yeah. I broke up with him last night. What ever happened to Jason?” Phil asked, diverting the subject away from him having to discuss his feelings. He was never really good at that, spilling all of his emotions suddenly without much planning. He much preferred to either rehearse what he was going to say in his head a hundred times or write it out so he had the chance to perfect it. Dan on the other hand, was the opposite. Phil regarded him as being eloquent and well-spoken in whatever the topic was. Dan could be talking about landfills and it would still be well put together, even if it was thought of on the spot.

“He broke up with me a while ago,” Dan muttered as he started biting his thumb nail. “I, uh, about a day or so after you and I broke up, I realized that I had taken our relationship for granted and I had confused being in a new relationship with being in a better relationship. When in reality, we had the better, stronger relationship. I just didn’t realize that at first because it was so familiar to me, and I was too focused on getting to know Jason. I realized that I made a mistake. I was kind of a mess and Jason said he didn’t want to deal with it, so he left and then I was even more of a mess."

“If you realized that after a day, why did you wait so long to talk to me?” Phil softly asked, trying not to sound too demanding. “Sorry, it probably feels like I’m interrogating you,” he quickly added.

“No, you’re fine. I owe you an explanation anyway. I didn’t think you would have wanted to see me. I wanted to wait until things settled until we tried to talk,” Dan shrugged.

Phil nodded in understanding. That made sense. Although Phil probably would not have liked to see Dan that soon after he left him, he couldn’t help but feel sad at the fact that Dan had been almost as hurt as he had been.

Dan took another sip of his coffee before he spoke again.

“I meant what I said yesterday. I really would like for us to try again,” Dan admitted quietly.

“Me too,” Phil smiled at Dan and he returned a smile just as bright, his dimple making an appearance. "Just us this time?” Phil asked, just to be sure he knew what he was getting himself into.

“Just us,” Dan reassured with a nod. 

Phil finally placed his coffee on the counter and threw his arms around Dan’s neck. Dan reciprocated by wrapping his arms around Phil’s middle, and Phil could feel his heart do that flippy-over thing. Dan still smelled the same, he still felt the same, and he still rubbed his fingers in little circles along Phil’s back. They stayed like that for a minute or so, making up for the past few months, before letting go.

Once they had broken apart, Dan’s eyebrows knitted together and he tilted his head slightly as he looked at Phil.

“You're crying,” Dan realized in the soft, soothing tone that Phil had missed so much. 

Phil brought his hand up to his face and wiped away a couple of stray tears. “Sorry. A lot has happened over the last couple of days, between seeing you at PJ’s, breaking up with my ex and finding out he was cheating on me anyway, and now this… it’s just a lot.”

“Wait, he cheated on you?” Dan asked in disbelief. 

“Yeah. When I went over there yesterday to break up with him, it wasn’t him that answered the door. And it was very clear that I was interrupting something.” Phil hoped that Dan wasn’t going to press to hear more about what had happened yesterday. Phil didn’t want to get into it. He didn’t need to relive any of that. 

“Now you’re crying!” Phil observed. Although, it wasn’t much of a surprise since he knew Dan hated seeing other people cry. His eyes were glossy and Phil could see a few tears were threatening to spill over. 

Dan gave Phil a slight smile as a couple of tears slid down his face, and Phil took Dan’s head in his hands to wipe away the tears with his thumbs. His right hand lingered along Dan’s jaw, while his left arm rested on Dan’s shoulder. He looked at Dan for a few seconds before he slowly leaned in and captured Dan’s lips in a kiss. Dan’s lips melded against his as they found a rhythm. Phil could feel Dan lace his fingers through his hair in an attempt to pull him closer. Phil giggled into the kiss once he heard Dan’s stomach growl. Dan pulled away and looked down at his stomach, almost like he was silently cursing it for ruining such a great moment.

“Have you had breakfast yet?” Dan asked.

Phil shook his head. “Nope. I didn’t have much of an appetite this morning."

“Wow. Phil Lester left the house without having coffee and cereal?” Dan joked.

Phil smiled in return and shoved his arm playfully. 

Dan opened up a couple of cabinets in order to assess the options for breakfast. “Pancakes?”

“You know I can’t say no to pancakes.”

Phil watched as Dan grabbed all of the essential ingredients and utensils from the cabinets and set them on the counter before grabbing his phone to pull up the recipe. Phil walked over to Dan and offered his help. By the end of mixing the batter, there was probably more flour on the floor and on themselves than there was in the actual recipe.

Once the pancakes were ready to eat, they placed them on two separate plates and sat down at Dan’s small kitchen table. Dan dug into his food almost immediately, while Phil sat there for a second, enjoying everything.

When Phil had been scrolling through Dan’s Instagram profile all those nights ago, this is what he was missing. This type of connection. This type of closeness. Phil was happy. God was he happy. He felt a smile spread across his face as he continued to look at Dan, leaving his pancakes untouched.

“What? Do I have golden syrup on my face?” Dan asked while he took a napkin to his mouth.

Not even caring that Phil got caught staring at him, he continued to smile. “No. I just missed you,” he confessed, finally cutting into his breakfast.

Dan gave Phil a smile that he was sure matched his own. 

“I missed you too.”


End file.
